You can be prepared for something but that does not make the pain of it any less.
Sarah Kendzior
I’m not calling Jehovah’s Witnesses a cult for the shock value. It’s just that the popular idea of what a cult is, and a huge chunk of the negative vibes that come along with that, is the best way to describe them.
I could go about proving they’re a cult a bunch of different ways. I could go the academic route and talk about the BITE model and discuss high-control religions who like to make end-of-the-world prophecies. I could discuss totalitarianism and how that manifests in religious structures. I could cite experts and other former members and really get into the nitty gritty and get all technical and jargony. But I won’t do any of that.
I’m just going to tell you what happened to me.
1.
The life of a Jehovah’s Witness begins only after they get baptized. In the “Ting an’ Ting” documentary, my sister Nicole says that she got baptized when she was 15. Totally her decision, she says.
I got baptized when I was twelve.
This is a big deal because before you get baptized, you’re not a real Jehovah’s Witness. You’re not even a member. You’re just affiliated.
For one thing, baptism makes you eligible for a lot of Witness perks. For example, my sisters could become what they call “Pioneers” — back then that was someone who put in a thousand hours a year evangelizing — and eventually I did that too.
As a male though, I had access to more perks than they did. I got to carry the microphone in the Witness meetings, play the songs from the cassettes to start and end the services. I was even able to say prayers. Eventually, I took fuller advantage of all that maleness and became a “Ministerial Servant,” which was a crucial step up the ladder with the next rung being Elder.
What I didn’t think about at the time — and how could I, since I was only twelve —was that getting baptized also gave the Witnesses the power to kick me out.
Getting kicked out of the Witness religion was called “disfellowshipping”. It happens via an announcement made near the end of one of their meetings. A somber looking man would go up to the podium and say “so-and-so has been disfellowshipped” and just take all the air out of the room.
That phrase, as simple as it sounds, has crazy power. I remember a time when I was talking and laughing with someone before a meeting started – then that announcement happened for them – and when the meeting was finished I wouldn’t talk to them again. In fact, no one would. We all barely even made eye contact.
The not-talking part continued outside the Kingdom Hall too. Word would spread fast to all the Witnesses in Nassau and the disfellowshipped person would go from having a whole bunch of Witness friends to none at all.
Jehovah’s Witnesses practice shunning of former members, and disfellowshipping makes someone a former member. Witness teachings even tell parents, and siblings not to talk to their disfellowshipped family member. It’s as if the announcement killed the person on the spot. If the person grovels to the Elders — and grovels for at least a year — they may be let back into the flock but that reunion comes only after they had walked in the wilderness alone for, what to them, would have felt like an eternity.
2.
The most popular reason why people get disfellowshipped is probably for sex. Having an affair with the wrong person, like an unbeliever, or someone you’re not married to, or both. Being gay. You can even get disfellowshipped for smoking.
I got disfellowshipped because I stopped believing.
Before my crisis of conscience, I was one of the Witness’ rising stars. My dream was to go off to one of their missionary schools for single men. I was so serious I took a month off work with no pay to go convert people on another island. I was such a true true believer that at one point I didn’t think my dad was Witness enough.
Because I pushed the limits though, I started to see the gaps. The Watchtower said that if I did everything they told me to that I would be happy. I found out two things: it wasn’t humanly possible to do everything they demanded and no matter how much I did, I was never any happier. In fact, it was usually the opposite. The more I did the more useless and miserable I felt. I found out that the “truth” was the furthest thing from that and I reached for the exit.
I knew though that leaving would mean death for me. I knew that once they read that announcement I would be cut off from friends, family; my parents, my sisters. I knew that I might never talk to any of them again and I would lose the only life that I had ever known.
Many Witnesses come to the same conclusions that I did but not everyone is prepared to make that total sacrifice. A lot of people just fade. They quiet quit. They knock on less doors. They lead a double life. I’ve talked to a few of these people over the years – they reach out in secret as if we live in Cold War era Russia and they’re avoiding the KGB. As long as they don’t get caught, the theory goes, they get to keep their family and friends and don’t become total outcasts. And believe me, in the Witness world, the Elders are the KGB.
I knew that leaving would mean death for me. I knew that once they read that announcement I would be cut off from friends, family; my parents, my sisters.
I never had the ability to lead a double life though, I’m just not cut out for that. It was always all-or-nothing for me. So when the elders came looking for me I was ready. There was one time I had five of them to me one and I shot them down with their own Bible. That’s when they knew I was dangerous. That’s when they knew they had to get rid of me.
When I was finished standing up to them I went home, sat down, and cried.
I knew what was going to happen to me in theory, but I had no idea what it was really going to be like. The announcement was coming, but it was coming for me this time.
Once it came, I knew that in a very real sense, I would be no more.
3.
I had to go down this road to find the absolute truth about what Jehovah’s Witnesses believe. And it has nothing to do with the Bible or morality or even God. When you boil it all down, Jehovah’s Witnesses have to believe whatever is currently printed in the Watchtower magazine.
If the Watchtower tells my dad, my mother, my sisters not to speak or have anything to do with their son, their brother who is disfellowshipped, then by damn, that is what they are going to do.
Now, tell me that ain’t a cult.
Coming up next: “My Life as a Ghost” — Leaving the Witnesses brings heavy, heavy consequences ... and a whole new life. I’ll discuss my journey and where my family and I are at after 20 years of shunning.
